This is a pretty loaded topic. And it might sound contradicting at the same time, but I have changed so much in the past 2 years that I have gone back to being who I used to be, but a better version of me....make sense? I shall explain....
Two years ago, April 2010, I was physically in the same place, I was in the same job, in the same apartment, driving the same car, etc. But mentally I was in a much different place. I was getting ready to finish my Master's Degree at that point, so I had a sense of accomplishment, but there were several other aspects of my life that felt off, like something was missing, it's like when you walk out the door and you just know you are missing something but you can't put your finger on it. At the same time I was struggling with some personal relationship issues that were hidden under a cloak, but were to soon be completely uncovered.
I can say that there were a couple clearly defining moments in the past 2 years that caused me to completely change my life.
The first change came when I finally forced myself to face my views on relationships, mine in particular. You know that saying "doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result is the definition of insanity"? Yea, so in retrospect I was a little nuts....for about 10 years. I was forced to confront one of those situations where you just want to run away, but after so much running eventually it catches up to you. It's funny that sometimes when you are finally forced to confront your own fears and do something you never thought you could or something you fought so hard never to do, you realize it was actually the best thing for you to do all along. This step in my life was the beginning of a new life for me.
The second change came shortly after the first. That missing piece that I talked about earlier, this is when I figured out finally what was missing. ME. I was the one that was missing. My true person down to the core, somehow in the previous 10 years that big piece of who I truly am as a person got suppressed, by none other than myself. They say you are your own worst enemy. After the first big event in my life, I began to really look internally at who I had become, who I wanted to be, then who I really am. And who I really am is a strong, driven, vibrant, friendly, outgoing, compassionate and passionate individual who thrives in the presence of people she loves. I have always been this, my entire life. Sharing myself and my life and making memories is what truly makes me happy in life and what made me happy in the past. And somehow it had all been hidden away. My first instinct after experiencing one of the most painful times in my life was to reach out. Although it wasn't necessarily an easy task mentally. Over the years I had become very detached from people around me. So reaching out to people I hadn't as much as emailed with in several years was the cause of a little anxiety. But going with the theme of changing my life around I decided to put that anxiety aside and took that step. After reaching out to the first person on my list, things just seemed to slowly start falling into place. I began to remember what were the things that I really enjoyed doing just for me. I began to rebuild friendships and find my social life again. I felt like a fuzzy picture that was slowly staring to come back into focus. And in the process I felt a renewed sense of strength and confidence in myself.
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